DEPRESSION

Nobody understand how I can be depressed
they constantly think I am positive and
full of hopes for life.
However, I am only human...
I have my weak moments that I can only hide and face myself.

I can fully understand and respect those who died when they are depressed,
but not the people who have not experience depression.
They would only call them "stupid" for things that they couldn't understand.
No one understands the pain that they are going through..
I guess I can cos I had them and still having them.
I believe God let me experience it so that I can emphatise and understand.

Many have died of suicide around me cos they are depressed.
I respect their choice and hope they are happier now.
I guess the thought of continuing after this life and
beginning from nothing again stop me from making the same choice as them.
However, I'll never know when the pain gets too much for me to bear.

Who would ever understand, listen and comfort ?
We are always alone in our pain..
We'll have to let it hurt till it hurts no more..
Maybe the pain is necessary for our growth..
Maybe growth is inevitable with pain...

life is such a pain.. growth in life is inevitable..

-jerl

Childbirth

Childbirth takes so much of the women,
yet i am really not sure if the men appreciate it...
especially by the way some treats their wives.
( i'll write about this some other time)

Many incentives nowadays to give birth,
yet no one realise that it is so easy to do just that..
but to educate a child drains all of the parents.

I ever thought of being a single parent
if the society is open enough to accept the child,
however, now even if the society is acceptable with it,
i wouldn't give it a shot..
as i have seen too many "devils" around...
it takes so much to guide and lead a child to the right path..
yet the future is so unpredictable;
and i would rather not have another devil on this earth.

Many people told me i should get married and have a kid,
cos i would be able to teach them personally..
yet i think it is more than my ability to teach or give them life..
it is a tremendous commitment of life from the beginning of marriage
to the end of that person's life.

May be i choose not to complicate my life,
may be i choose not to be responsible for another life,
may be it is easier to just live my life and answer for my life alone.

i mocked at those who give life sparingly yet withheld to give it a full life,
and admire the courageous ones out there who took this ladden seriously,
and did a good job.. though some failed.. at least they tried.

i am sure i wouldn't be the only one treading on this narrow path,
those who did, be encouraged that it is perfectly alrite not to adhere to social standards,
and most of all ...
You will never be the only one ..

-jerl

Beauty of Nature

Although the world is ugly, Beauty is always around us..

Single

Just heard the song "Single" by Natasha Bedingfield,
I totally agree with what she got to say..

Nothing is wrong with being Single and Happy,
Somehow the world thinks that we need to be with someone to be happy.
Somehow the people I met think that we can't be happily Single.
I wonder what so great about having partners that we can live without.

Some people may tell me I have not met the ONE that's why I said the thing I did..
but I beg to differ..
If love means pain (which shouldn't be the case), I would rather do without.
If love means being visible, then maybe everything would be invisible.

My theory about it is..
Love is part of life but it is not everything in life.
Life is as beautiful with or without marriage or relationship.
Nobody is indispensable.
Everything I can live with, I can live without.
My world continue to revolve with or without another person..
ultimately aren't we born alone and die alone at the end?
Don't they understand that you will only live and die on your own?

Maybe the world has placed too much value on it that makes it too important.
Maybe the world has magnified and exploded it's worth.

Maybe I just constantly doubt the values and things of the world.

-jerl

My Life

Everyone wants to live their own life,
yet they wanted a piece of others.

I want to live my life just the way I want it,
not trying to please anyone,
not obliging to anyone,
not conforming to anyone's values,
not fixing to any social standards.

Just the way I want it.

Many may think I am CRAZY
but that is just the way I want to live my LIFE!

Perhaps they should just mind their own life,
since I don't intend to change the world,
don't try changing my world either.

I refused to live up to anyone's expectation
other than my own..
so please don't use the social measures to judge my life..
cos I am happy the way I am
and living my life to the fullest the way I know and want.